There was a time in my life when I didn’t have a strong sense of self, taking advice from anyone willing to give me some clue as to what I thought I needed. Let me tell you, when you are unsure of your path, there are always those who tell you exactly what you should do. When I would get into conversations about my future plans and my unsteady decisions, they made me feel important. Each one had a plan for me. But why? In their plans for me, they didn’t take into account my interests, strengths, or life goals. I took their advice each time, but each time I was more un-happy than the last decision. How could that be? I was doing the right stuff and doing what others wanted of me.
This lack of a ‘sense of self’ lead to a deep frustration with work and life. All of my frustrations would lead back to what I thought I ‘should’ be doing. I ‘should’ be working at my job 80 hours each week, I ‘should’ like my career choice, I ‘should’ be happy with my benefits and 401k. So many ‘shoulds’, I couldn’t enjoy my life in the moment or in the future. I was too caught up in what should be happening, that when my expectations weren’t met—my frustration would take over.
Let’s step back for a moment. How did I get from work frustration to a lack of sense of self?
When I shed all my “should” moments and expectations, I enjoyed life so much more. My frustrations subsided, I enjoyed my work for what it was and I was able to focus my energy on work and not emotional drama.
How to know when your Expectations are leading to Frustration:
- Expecting People to Always Agree with You
People are never going to agree with you, or me. Ugh, why can’t we just all get along! I am working on sharing my opinions with those who disagree, but it’s difficult. I have to do a lot of prep to feel comfortable to share a project idea at work to feel comfortable in a dissenting voice.
- Respect you More than you Respect Yourself
No one will EVER respect you more than YOU. You are your biggest fan. I learned that this summer traveling to Europe, body size is only a number. I practice selflove by truly loving my body, learning new things and embracing my ideas.
- Expecting others to (need) and Like You
Okay, listen up. It doesn’t matter our age, we all battle with wanting to be liked. However, it is so freeing to let yourself be unburdened of that inner teenager to be liked. Like yourself—it’s so much better.
- Expecting Others to fit your idea of who they are
Ouch, this one stings. Don’t we all have an “idea” of someone or something and then reality smacks us in the face. Being honest with your fears helps to be clear with all true ideas.
- Assume they know what you are thinking
We aren’t all mind readers like Sylvia Brown. If I am having an issue, I need to communicate my issue with the team. Also, on the opposite spectrum, I can’t assume they know all the lingo and jargon to the conversation. Just keep communication simple!
- People will suddenly change
Do you remember summer break, and when we would go back in the Fall there would be a HUGE transformation for your first day of High School? Yeah, that never happens. We don’t suddenly change our decision making or habits. WARNING: If a decision is changed quickly, watch out for fall out.
Work can be a frustrating place fraught with gossip, drama and leadership changes. Be true and honest with yourself, for frustrations to be worked through openly. There are people in your life who want the absolute best for you, like me. I want you to be your best self. No more hating getting to work in the morning. You are unchallenged, unmotivated, unfulfilled. It’s okay, I can help you find your joy again with the “Confident You” program. We work together to custom fit a plan just for you. It’s not cookie cutter. It’s all yours. So, it’s your turn to say YES and be surrounded by positivity. You need to stay close to these positive individuals. They are genuine, authentic and have no hidden motive to your future plans. Confide in these individuals for growth.
Career Love Collective is on a mission to mentor women to overcome workplace challenges to they can be authentic and confident in all stages of life. Wanna chat over a latte or skype? I wanna get to know you, and what makes you…well YOU. Sign up for a free 30 minute assessment and let’s reach your goals together!