The Practical Guide to Working with Other Personalities

Working with people we don’t necessarily get along with is a normal part of life in an office.  I once had a coworker tell me, “I don’t have to be everyone’s best friend, I am at work.” another individual at the same company was afraid to voice their opinions for fear of offending anyone.

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Why it’s Absolutely Okay to Cry at Work

I am giving you permission to be yourself at work.

For some, this might be displaying family photos at your desk as a reminder of your personal priorities or going out to lunch every day to decompress from the day.

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Confessions of a Confident Introvert

It can be personally freeing to discover you are an introvert. Sometimes when we think of people who are introverted, we wrongly stereotype them as people who don’t like other people. This stereotype is further from the truth. Most introverts are warm, interested in others, and powerful in their own right.

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[FREE WEBINAR] Discover Your ‘Why’

When we are unsure of our path, there are always those who there to tell us exactly what we should do. When I would find myself unsure of my next step and in conversations about my future plans, each person had a different plan for me–different advice.

Why? In their plans for me, they didn’t take into account my interests, strengths, or life goals. I took their advice each time, but each time I was more un-happy than the last decision.

Why? I was doing the right stuff and doing what others wanted of me.

Needing a ‘Why’ Statement

This lack of my ‘why’ lead to a deep frustration with work and life. All of my frustrations would lead back to what I thought I ‘should’ be doing. I ‘should’ be working at my job 80 hours each week, I ‘should’ like my career choice, I ‘should’ be happy with my benefits and 401k. So many ‘shoulds’, I couldn’t enjoy my life in the moment or in the future. I was too caught up in what should be happening, that when my expectations weren’t met—my frustration would take over.

Don’t run from the unknown or resign in the comfortable, let this webinar guide you and get you to finding your ‘why’.

 

How this webinar will help you:

  • Increase honest communication with others (Promise it’s not scary!)  
  • Break repetitive/stale behaviors (This will do wonders for your self-esteem!)
  • Actionable Takeaways to Increase your success (You can implement tomorrow!) 
  • Put you on the path to trusting yourself (It feels SOOO Good!) 

 

The ability to be your true self and be successful lies within you.

AND it gets better….

Not only will you enjoy the amazing feeling of being able yourself, you also get to grow as a human being, make a significant impact… AND create success and positive abundance for yourself.

Join The Workshop! Free Gift – Free Workshop

About Your Host –  Over the years, Jess has seen too many women leave the workforce completely due to inflexible work environments and strained work relationships.  She is truly living her best self by helping others overcome workplace challenges to become confident and authentic. Currently, she is enrolled in a Masters of Business program and opened Career Love Collective. She holds a Communications Degree from the University of Wisconsin and a Life Coach Certificate. Jess is on a mission to inspire women to be their most confident self.

Career Love Collective is on a mission to mentor women to overcome workplace challenges to they can be authentic and confident in all stages of life. 

How I Dealt with Frustration at Work and You Can Too!

There was a time in my life when I didn’t have a strong sense of self, taking advice from anyone willing to give me some clue as to what I thought I needed. Let me tell you, when you are unsure of your path, there are always those who tell you exactly what you should do. When I would get into conversations about my future plans and my unsteady decisions, they made me feel important. Each one had a plan for me. But why? In their plans for me, they didn’t take into account my interests, strengths, or life goals. I took their advice each time, but each time I was more un-happy than the last decision. How could that be? I was doing the right stuff and doing what others wanted of me.

This lack of a ‘sense of self’ lead to a deep frustration with work and life. All of my frustrations would lead back to what I thought I ‘should’ be doing. I ‘should’ be working at my job 80 hours each week, I ‘should’ like my career choice, I ‘should’ be happy with my benefits and 401k. So many ‘shoulds’, I couldn’t enjoy my life in the moment or in the future. I was too caught up in what should be happening, that when my expectations weren’t met—my frustration would take over.

Let’s step back for a moment. How did I get from work frustration to a lack of sense of self?

When I shed all my “should” moments and expectations, I enjoyed life so much more. My frustrations subsided, I enjoyed my work for what it was and I was able to focus my energy on work and not emotional drama.

How to know when your Expectations are leading to Frustration:

  1. Expecting People to Always Agree with You

People are never going to agree with you, or me. Ugh, why can’t we just all get along! I am working on sharing my opinions with those who disagree, but it’s difficult. I have to do a lot of prep to feel comfortable to share a project idea at work to feel comfortable in a dissenting voice.

  1. Respect you More than you Respect Yourself

No one will EVER respect you more than YOU. You are your biggest fan. I learned that this summer traveling to Europe, body size is only a number. I practice selflove by truly loving my body, learning new things and embracing my ideas.

  1. Expecting others to (need) and Like You

Okay, listen up. It doesn’t matter our age, we all battle with wanting to be liked. However, it is so freeing to let yourself be unburdened of that inner teenager to be liked. Like yourself—it’s so much better.

  1. Expecting Others to fit your idea of who they are

Ouch, this one stings. Don’t we all have an “idea” of someone or something and then reality smacks us in the face. Being honest with your fears helps to be clear with all true ideas.

  1. Assume they know what you are thinking

We aren’t all mind readers like Sylvia Brown. If I am having an issue, I need to communicate my issue with the team. Also, on the opposite spectrum, I can’t assume they know all the lingo and jargon to the conversation. Just keep communication simple!

  1. People will suddenly change

Do you remember summer break, and when we would go back in the Fall there would be a HUGE transformation for your first day of High School? Yeah, that never happens. We don’t suddenly change our decision making or habits. WARNING: If a decision is changed quickly, watch out for fall out.

Work can be a frustrating place fraught with gossip, drama and leadership changes. Be true and honest with yourself, for frustrations to be worked through openly. There are people in your life who want the absolute best for you, like me. I want you to be your best self. No more hating getting to work in the morning. You are unchallenged, unmotivated, unfulfilled. It’s okay, I can help you find your joy again with the “Confident You” program. We work together to custom fit a plan just for you. It’s not cookie cutter. It’s all yours. So, it’s your turn to say YES and be surrounded by positivity. You need to stay close to these positive individuals. They are genuine, authentic and have no hidden motive to your future plans. Confide in these individuals for growth.

Career Love Collective is on a mission to mentor women to overcome workplace challenges to they can be authentic and confident in all stages of life. Wanna chat over a latte or skype? I wanna get to know you, and what makes you…well YOU. Sign up for a free 30 minute assessment and let’s reach your goals together!

XOXO,

Jess

Don’t Hate the Person, Hate the Behavior – Setting Boundaries for a Successful Relationship

Toxic personalities have a unique way of taking all the energy out of a room. Around a toxic person, you can’t be yourself. Walking on eggshells is routine. If you try to reason with a toxic personality, it is a one sided conversation.

Toxic individuals take up mental power, whether they are co-workers or family members. The behaviors are noticeable and difficult to understand.

8 TOXIC BEHAVIORS   

  • Spread Negativity
  • Criticize Everyone  
  • Waste time
  • Jealous
  • Play the Victim
  • Don’t Care
  • Self-centered
  • Distort the Truth

SETTING YOUR BOUNDARIES FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP  

To the toxic individual, this negative behavior is normal. You can try talking with the individual to come up with solutions, rather than highlighting all the problems with no suggestions for improvement–but usually that leads down a path with zero results. Most times the individual with the toxic behavior doesn’t realize their behavior is affecting others in such a powerful way.  It’s not your responsibility to fix anyone.  

Setting boundaries for yourself is key to keeping these toxic individuals from wasting your time, energy and resources. There are no neutral relationships in life, each one moves you forward or holds you back. It is your responsibility to express yourself and let toxic individuals know where you stand and avoid non producing behavior like gossip.

Example, you are at work and your deskmate constantly tries to engage you in office gossip. You try and drop hints that you don’t care about other people’s business or you might flat out change the subject–however, the gossip still persists. As we all know, being engaged in any kind of office gossip is a bad investment of time for your future advancement. To set boundaries with your deskmate, you need to be honest in your communication. Something like “I enjoy our conversations together, but I don’t want to talk about Jerry without him here. Tell me more about your weekend.” This allows you to stand up for yourself without getting frustrated and annoyed down the line.    

Many people think they need to disassociate themselves from the people exhibiting these behaviors. That is not true. You can work with an individual or love someone with these toxic traits. It’s the behavior that needs to be improved or curtailed.

Career Love Collective takes each scenario with great care and respect. We always approach each challenge with an open mind and listening ear. At Career Love, we hold honesty, authenticity and vulnerability above all else. In each session with our lovelies (clients), I never blame and always seek the truth. You are ready to find your truth. Once you are honest and authentic with your convictions, you are on your way to becoming your best self.

Reframing is at the Heart of Resilience

Once a week I volunteer with a local women’s advocacy organization. I mainly help in the childcare center. This usually consists of reading books, coloring or playing pretend cooking with toddlers for a few hours.

Lately, the amount of babies we have to watch is more than usual, so I have been helping where I can in the nursery area.

Some babies are just learning to walk. It’s so special to have the opportunity to watch their progress. Most days they are very unsteady on their feet, trying to grasp onto any object around them for steady footing. Sometimes they bump their arm or their face. Other times they land hard on their backside.

What matters most is how the child gets up to the next move. When their face bumps a chair, do they start crying immediately with a gut wrenching cry, or do they get jolted a bit, looking perplexed with the chair and crawl away to climb another chair.

Resiliency is all about the bounce-back and finding the strength within yourself to overcome. As Hara Estroff Marano notes in “The Art of Resilience”, resilient people do not let adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs.

Marano goes on to say resilience can also be cultivated. It’s possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and competent. It’s possible to fortify your psyche. It’s possible to develop a sense of mastery.

It is also possible to be hurt and to rebound at the same time. We human beings are complex enough psychologically to accommodate the two. What the resilient do is refrain from blaming themselves for what has gone wrong. In the language of psychology, they externalize blame. And they internalize success; they take responsibility for what goes right in their lives.

Psychologist Edith Grotberg, Ph.D., believes that everyone needs reminders of the strengths they have.

She urges people to cultivate resilience by thinking along three lines:

I Have: strong relationships, structure, rules at home, role models; these are external supports that are provided;

I Am: a person who has hope and faith, cares about others, is proud of myself; these are inner strengths that can be developed;

I Can: communicate, solve problems, gauge the temperament of others, seek good relationships—all interpersonal and problem-solving skills that are acquired.  

Just as a little one is faced with the challenge of learning to walk without ever done it before, adults are faced with unanticipated road blocks each day. I am here to be your reminder that you can overcome any road block. Adults have the option to choose their state of mind in any situation at work or home.

The time is now for you to be your best self. In all of our services Career Love Collective provides unbiased communication to get you back on track. We practice reframing, it is at the heart of resilience. It is a way of shifting focus from the cup half empty to the cup half full. Take steps to ensure your future by investing in your future career development.   

Take time each morning to remind yourself “I Have…I Am… I Can”.

XOXO,

Jess

Culture Fit 101 – What to Look for During the Job Search

Dear Jess,

I am starting a stealth job search and could use some advice.

The company I work for isn’t a good fit for me–I realize this now. It’s never been  the right match.

It’s always felt like I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I thought I was coming to a great company, well liked in the community with a great reputation. Instead I stepped into a negative place where my ideas constantly get turned down, it’s gotten to the point I have stopped giving my suggestions. I go to work, “punch in” do my work and go home. I am not happy, but I don’t want to step into the same culture again.

Thank you!

Steph

 

Dear Steph,

Thank you for your note. I am so sorry to hear your company doesn’t value your input. Your superiors are too involved in their own challenges—perhaps owners, shareholders, board members, etc.—to miss the fact you are miserable. Your supervisor has the influence to keep you in the company or send you running. They aren’t keeping you engaged and challenged. It’s time for you to thrive somewhere else.

As you mentioned in your note, one of the major reasons you accepted the job is the reputation of the company. So, you are wondering how you got “duped” by these negative nay sayers in a culture mis-match!

Seven Tips for Job Seekers Craving Culture Fit  

  1. Job Posting – Some position postings are very straight forward in the basic requirements and duties. Other positions descriptions read as if two or three different jobs are within the same title. This type of job is lovingly referred to as a “Franken-job”. If the position seems impossible to accomplish, trust your gut. These positions pull from other overworked co-workers to create an odd position that has no direction.
  2. Organization Size – If you have experience working in large, mid-size or non-profit organizations, write down your likes and dislikes of each size organization. Do you work best in a non-profit setting with more autonomy or is a corporate hierarchy your perfect scenario? As you narrow down these organizational characteristics, it will help in the long term to know your ideal work space.
  3. Interview Process – Applying for a new position as an external candidate is a process for most, having to send a cover letter, resume, CV, college transcripts and other documentation. Just the application alone is cumbersome. If you find yourself in limbo for months, the company might be having larger internal battles. Just say thanks, but no thanks.
  4. Mission/Vision/Values – Does the organization proudly display their Mission/Vision/Values in their communication pieces, website, etc. and is it easy to understand? Mission statements shouldn’t be overly diluted or grandiose. If the company appears to be working towards a larger common goal, they are a keeper! Many organizations now encourage employees to be “passion fueled” to align with the company mission such as fitness, outdoors, health food, etc. this can also help narrow down your interest level with the company.
  5. Coworkers – Do coworkers smile at each other in the office, is there a general feeling of mutual respect as you are waiting in the lobby or conversing in the interview? It’s difficult to put your nerves out of the picture during an in-person interview, but try to keep your emotions in check when meeting your future co-workers for the first time. Are they excited and on time to meet you or are they scattered, late and confused during the interview? Paying attention to social cues, you will know if it is the right environment for you.
  6. Support – Flextime and the ability to work from home one or more days a week are among the most highly sought after benefit of the workforce. Before the interview, you might have access to the benefits guidelines on the company website to check flexible scheduling policies. Companies giving their employees the ability to work from home or have flexible hours, demonstrates trust and faith in workers and a culture that expects the best from employees.
  7. Trust- Trust comes from open communication. Do you feel like you can be open and honest with your current boss/leader? Career Love Collective has taken feedback from women all around the world to create our program plans. If you find yourself in a job you love, but leadership is overloaded and you are fed up–don’t leave. Just talk with us and we will help you put together a plan in an unbiased way. Contact us for a free 30 minute assessment.

Steph—good luck on your job search. You will find a new workplace that values your creative light. Take your time and don’t rush—you won’t be disappointed. Open floor plans, fancy coffee shops, jeans on Friday, full fitness centers, 401(k) benefits—all of these perks are amazing to anyone initially joining a company but there is more to a company than meets the eye.

Do you have a career related question? Contact me to be featured on “Ask Jess” or to get your own 30 minute assessment.

XOXOXO,

Jess

Think Confident, Be Confident #confidencemindset

Many people in their career are pressured to believe they need to reach monetary milestones in order to achieve success. Perhaps it is making a certain amount of money each year, owning a specific car, or achieving a title at work. However, would you guess true confidence and positive self-esteem do not automatically come with the pay increase and title at work?

As Amy Cuddy points out in her book “Presense”, true confidence stems from real love and leads to long term commitment to growth. False confidence on the other hand, comes from desperate passion and leads to dysfunctional relationships, disappointment and frustration.Having true confidence and positive self-esteem are both highly positive traits but not all individuals are truly confident.

So, that job promotion and the title bump–you might be radiating confidence for a hot second, but then reality sets in quick. Lady, your CONFIDENCE is showing. BUT Is it true confidence?

Cuddy goes on to say that true belief in oneself, in ones ideas is grounding, it defuses threat.

How do we know if we have true confidence? Below is a list of core values a truly confident person would possess.

  1. Commitment to Growth
  2. Create Value for Others
  3. Be Present— Put Assumptions Aside
  4. Acknowledge Your Strengths and Weaknesses
  5. Accept Others and Welcome Feedback

I challenge you to take time today and jot down numbers 1-5 on a sheet of paper. After each number, write the core value and how you are working toward building your truly confident self. If it is blank, that is okay! Write down how you would approach a situation in the future with a true confidence mindset.

Growth is a journey—Career Love Collective can help you take this moment to see your progress and evaluate your next step. In the “Confident You” program, we tailor a plan that works best for you. No guessing, no cookie cutter plan. It is specific to your goal in mind. Schedule a one-on-one appointment today to start your journey with Career Love.

XOXO,

Jess

#careerloveco Summer Reading List

When I have time to read, it’s not the romance novels calling my name—it’s non-fiction business and leadership, DUH!

With summer finally here in for many of us, reading is a wonderful companion for the following activities–travel layovers, weekends by the lake/beach, or perhaps a long afternoon in the shade.

Wherever you are and whichever your preference, below is a list of my personal top 5 books for your summer reading.

Please note, these are my personal book recommendations. I chose each book carefully as an opportunity for you to reflect on your daily habits and attitudes towards work and life. Each summary is a brief description provided by the author or publisher and an amazon link.

What are your must reads this summer?

XOXO,

Jess

 

  1. “Rising Strong” Brene Brown

Social scientist Brené Brown has ignited a global conversation on courage, vulnerability, shame, and worthiness. Her pioneering work uncovered a profound truth: Vulnerability—the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome—is the only path to more love, belonging, creativity, and joy. But living a brave life is not always easy: We are, inevitably, going to stumble and fall.

It is the rise from falling that Brown takes as her subject in Rising Strong. As a grounded theory researcher, Brown has listened as a range of people—from leaders in Fortune 500 companies and the military to artists, couples in long-term relationships, teachers, and parents—shared their stories of being brave, falling, and getting back up. She asked herself, What do these people with strong and loving relationships, leaders nurturing creativity, artists pushing innovation, and clergy walking with people through faith and mystery have in common? The answer was clear: They recognize the power of emotion and they’re not afraid to lean in to discomfort.

Walking into our stories of hurt can feel dangerous. But the process of regaining our footing in the midst of struggle is where our courage is tested and our values are forged. Our stories of struggle can be big ones, like the loss of a job or the end of a relationship, or smaller ones, like a conflict with a friend or colleague. Regardless of magnitude or circumstance, the rising strong process is the same: We reckon with our emotions and get curious about what we’re feeling; we rumble with our stories until we get to a place of truth; and we live this process, every day, until it becomes a practice and creates nothing short of a revolution in our lives. Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness. It’s the process, Brown writes, that teaches us the most about who we are.

 

  1. “Presense” Amy Cuddy

Have you ever left a nerve-racking challenge and immediately wished for a do over? Maybe after a job interview, a performance, or a difficult conversation? The very moments that require us to be genuine and commanding can instead cause us to feel phony and powerless. Too often we approach our lives’ biggest hurdles with dread, execute them with anxiety, and leave them with regret.

By accessing our personal power, we can achieve “presence,” the state in which we stop worrying about the impression we’re making on others and instead adjust the impression we’ve been making on ourselves. As Harvard professor Amy Cuddy’s revolutionary book reveals, we don’t need to embark on a grand spiritual quest or complete an inner transformation to harness the power of presence. Instead, we need to nudge ourselves, moment by moment, by tweaking our body language, behavior, and mind-set in our day-to-day lives.

Amy Cuddy has galvanized tens of millions of viewers around the world with her TED talk about “power poses.” Now she presents the enthralling science underlying these and many other fascinating body-mind effects, and teaches us how to use simple techniques to liberate ourselves from fear in high-pressure moments, perform at our best, and connect with and empower others to do the same.

Brilliantly researched, impassioned, and accessible, Presence is filled with stories of individuals who learned how to flourish during the stressful moments that once terrified them. Every reader will learn how to approach their biggest challenges with confidence instead of dread, and to leave them with satisfaction instead of regret.

 

  1. “Developing the Leader Within You” John Maxwell

Developing the Leader Within You is Dr. Maxwell’s first and most enduring leadership book, having sold more than one million copies. In this Christian Leaders Series edition of this Maxwell classic, you will discover the biblical foundation for leadership that John Maxwell has used as a pastor and business leader for more than forty years. These same principles and practices are available for everyday leaders in every walk of life. It is a lofty calling to lead a group―a family, a church, a nonprofi t, a business―and the timeless principles in this book will bring positive change in your life and in the lives of those around you.

You will learn:

The True Definition of Leader. “Leadership is influence. That’s it. Nothing more; nothing less.”

The Traits of Leadership. “Leadership is not an exclusive club for those who were ‘born with it.’ The traits that are the raw materials of leadership can be acquired. Link them up with desire, and nothing can keep you from becoming a leader.”

The Difference Between Management and Leadership. “Making sure the work is done by others is the accomplishment of a manager. Inspiring others to do better work is the accomplishment of a leader.”

God has called every believer to influence others, to be salt and light. Developing the Leader Within You will equip you to improve your leadership and inspire others.

 

  1. “Extreme You” Sarah Robb O’Hagan

As a child, Sarah Robb O’Hagan dreamed she could be a champion. Her early efforts failed to reveal a natural superstar, but she refused to settle for average. Through dramatic successes and epic fails, she studied how extraordinary people in sports, entertainment and business set and achieve extremely personal goals. Sarah became an executive at Virgin Atlantic and Nike, and despite being fired twice in her twenties, she went on to become the global president of Gatorade and of Equinox—as well as a wife, mother, and endurance athlete.

In every challenging situation, personal or professional, individuals face the pressure to play it safe and conform to the accepted norms. But doing so comes with heavy costs: passions stifled, talents ignored, and opportunities squelched. The bolder choice is to embrace what Sarah calls Extreme You: to confidently bring all that is distinctive and relevant about yourself to everything you do.

Inspiring, surprising, and practical, Extreme You is her training program for becoming the best version of yourself.

 

  1. “The Highly Sensitive Person” Elaine N. Aron

Are you a highly sensitive person?

Do you have a keen imagination and vivid dreams?  Is time alone each day as essential to you as food and water?  Are you “too shy” or “too sensitive” according to others?  Do noise and confusion quickly overwhelm you?  If your answers are yes, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

Most of us feel overstimulated every once in a while, but for the Highly Sensitive Person, it’s a way of life.  In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychotherapist, workshop leader and highly sensitive person herself, shows you how to identify this trait in yourself and make the most of it in everyday situations.  Drawing on her many years of research and hundreds of interviews, she shows how you can better understand yourself and your trait to create a fuller, richer life.

In The Highly Sensitive Person, you will discover:
Self-assessment tests to help you identify your particular sensitivities
* Ways to reframe your past experiences in a positive light and gain greater self-esteem in the process
Insight into how high sensitivity affects both work and personal relationships
Tips on how to deal with overarousal
* Information on medications and when to seek help
Techniques to enrich the soul and spirit