Early Signs of Office Bullying

I was bullied by my boss.

After nearly 6 years, I still feel guilt, shame and anger creeping up while writing to you. I am bringing workplace bullying to light in this post as my way to bring attention to Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Bringing workplace bullying to the forefront and telling my story is a temporary discomfort but what is more important is to let you know that you are not alone. If you, or someone you know, are facing a deep depression, hopelessness or anger due to a workplace situation, I am here to let you know you can come out stronger on the other side.  

My bully was a person I was excited to work with.

My bully was a women only a few years my senior.

This topic of bullying defined and dominated most of my twenties as a young professional. I was an adult women in the workplace ready to give up. My bully attacked, watched, targeted, tricked, pushed out, worn down and torn down.  I wasn’t personally equipped to handle the constant emotional toll of bullying.  I was on an isolated island needing help. No one had the proper safety raft for me. It was an emotional exhausting island and I was stranded.

Adults are bullied at work and in personal relationships everyday.  I ultimately left the organization I loved. My bully was not held accountable, which allowed the same actions to continue.

While I continued to work at different organizations, it was difficult for me to adjust to a non-bully boss. In meetings with new coworkers, I had internal emotional wounds of bullying. Even though I was in a new environment, I would adjust my reaction as if I was still managed by a bully boss. Bad advice from friends and family was to never disclose the bullying to my new workplace. It took me months of re-training my emotions to react appropriately.  

Early Signs of Office Bullying

Experiences Outside Work

  • You feel like throwing up the night before the start of your work week
  • Frustrated family demands that you to stop obsessing about work at home
  • Your doctor asks what could be causing your skyrocketing blood pressure and recent health problems, and tells you to change jobs
  • You feel too ashamed of being controlled by another person at work to tell your spouse or partner
  • All your paid time off is used for “mental health breaks” from the misery
  • Days off are spent exhausted and lifeless, your desire to do anything is gone
  • Your favorite activities and fun with family are no longer appealing or enjoyable
  • You begin to believe that you provoked the workplace cruelty

Experiences At Work

  • You attempt the obviously impossible task of doing a new job without training or time to learn new skills, but that work is never good enough for the boss
  • Surprise meetings are called by your boss with no results other than further humiliation
  • Everything your tormenter does to you is arbitrary and capricious, working a personal agenda that undermines the employer’s legitimate business interests
  • Others at work have been told to stop working, talking, or socializing with you
  • You are constantly feeling agitated and anxious, experiencing a sense of doom, waiting for bad things to happen
  • No matter what you do, you are never left alone to do your job without interference
  • People feel justified screaming or yelling at you in front of others, but you are punished if you scream back
  • HR tells you that your harassment isn’t illegal, that you have to “work it out between yourselves”
  • You finally, firmly confront your tormentor to stop the abusive conduct and you are accused of harassment
  • You are shocked when accused of incompetence, despite a history of objective excellence, typically by someone who cannot do your job
  • Everyone — co-workers, senior bosses, HR — agrees (in person and orally) that your tormentor is a jerk, but there is nothing they will do about it (and later, when you ask for their support, they deny having agreed with you)
  • Your request to transfer to an open position under another boss is mysteriously denied

Retrieved from http://www.workplacebullying.org/individuals/problem/early-signs/

Now I see I gave too much power to my bully. My sense of self was wrapped up in my work, pleasing others. My bully took advantage of those two situations.

If you are being bullied, it’s not okay. Bullying is not normal office behavior. A boss is not allowed to be your bully. Find your voice. Stand up for yourself. Career Love Collective is here to help you find your purpose. We empower you to do amazing things by being you. You don’t have to change who you are, you need to BE who you are to make an impact. 

XOXO,

Jess

 

Additional information can be found with these organizations

Workplace Bullying: www.workplacebullying.org

Suicide Prevention Awareness https://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/Awareness-Events/Suicide-Prevention-Awareness-Month

Quitting a Job with Confidence and Grace

I never advocate abruptly quitting a job. When you find yourself wanting to quit, ask yourself some questions. Why did you want the job on day one? Why do you want to quit? Are the reasons other people or the work you are doing? 

Let me breakdown ways you need to approach your job and get your control back.  

Continue Reading

FREEBIE: How I Reached My goals In 6 months  {Planner Giveaway}    

I place a fun event on the calendar to help me to stay motivated. Sometimes we go to baseball games in the summer or we plan a trip in the winter to go to a warmer climate and beat the winter blues.

Having goals in place keeps me motivated and planning allows for future flexibility. Putting the two together is a hyper-machine for making things happen. If you are reading this article, you are ready to take the next step in your goal setting methods and take your planning into hyper drive.

I created an exclusive personal planner for you from my failures and successes at goal setting by combining SMART goals and weekly planning.  ‘SMART goals’ are goals that are measurable and attainable in a predetermined amount of time. In the planner, you as the goal creator, have the opportunity to create a goal for the week that is achievable, the calendar breaks down the goal into smaller daily actions making the goal achievable.

>>>>HECK YES, I WANT A FREE GOAL SETTING PLANNER!<<<<<

Goals are always a daunting task, best saved for after breakfast. Okay, now that I had breakfast–onto the goal planning….right after lunch….catching my drift? Goal planning is easy to put off because it is so massive.

The weekly planner system allows you to breakdown your goals into micro-tasks, in small easy to accomplish tasks that add up to large goals. With this system I accomplished my BIGGEST goals in 6 months.

 

Jess’ No No’s of Goal Setting     

 

Write down your Goals

  • I know, this sounds so basic. But hear me out….writing down a goal gives life to your dream, making it real. Once you write down your goal you don’t have to remember your goal. Not a pen and paper type of person? Get creative and creative a vision board. My vision board was as easy as cutting out pictures from a magazine on a cork board. I placed it above my desk and looked at it everyday. My goals gave me a reason to keep going and not stop on the mundane ‘day to day’.  I busted each goal in 6 months with a vision board to keep me on task.

 

Setting Unrealistic Goals  

  • You might have heard this saying, ‘you can’t fit 10 gallons of water in a 5 gallon bucket’. Unrealistic goals are like the 10 gallons of water–you can’t achieve the goal within an unattainable amount of time (the 5 gallon bucket). When we set unrealistic goals and get to the end of our pre-determined time, if we haven’t accomplished the goal we become upset at ourselves and those around us.  That’s not fair to us or people around us. Setting goals that are honest is the best to keep you on track so you don’t stall.

 

No Follow Through

  • We always have best of intentions. No one wakes up in the morning trying to sabotage themselves. It’s through our actions or inaction that sabotages our follow through. For example, behavior such as not following through on an assignment at work can become an accepted habit. Holding ourselves accountable is tricky stuff and can become habit if not addressed quickly.

Career Love Collective is on a mission to empower all women to be their best self and reach their fullest potential. Wanna chat over a latte or skype? I wanna get to know you, and what makes you…well YOU. Sign up for a free 30 minute assessment and let’s reach your goals together!

Don’t forget, click here for your FREE goal busting planner.

XOXO,

Jess