Don’t Hate the Person, Hate the Behavior – Setting Boundaries for a Successful Relationship

Toxic personalities have a unique way of taking all the energy out of a room. Around a toxic person, you can’t be yourself. Walking on eggshells is routine. If you try to reason with a toxic personality, it is a one sided conversation.

Toxic individuals take up mental power, whether they are co-workers or family members. The behaviors are noticeable and difficult to understand.

8 TOXIC BEHAVIORS   

  • Spread Negativity
  • Criticize Everyone  
  • Waste time
  • Jealous
  • Play the Victim
  • Don’t Care
  • Self-centered
  • Distort the Truth

SETTING YOUR BOUNDARIES FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP  

To the toxic individual, this negative behavior is normal. You can try talking with the individual to come up with solutions, rather than highlighting all the problems with no suggestions for improvement–but usually that leads down a path with zero results. Most times the individual with the toxic behavior doesn’t realize their behavior is affecting others in such a powerful way.  It’s not your responsibility to fix anyone.  

Setting boundaries for yourself is key to keeping these toxic individuals from wasting your time, energy and resources. There are no neutral relationships in life, each one moves you forward or holds you back. It is your responsibility to express yourself and let toxic individuals know where you stand and avoid non producing behavior like gossip.

Example, you are at work and your deskmate constantly tries to engage you in office gossip. You try and drop hints that you don’t care about other people’s business or you might flat out change the subject–however, the gossip still persists. As we all know, being engaged in any kind of office gossip is a bad investment of time for your future advancement. To set boundaries with your deskmate, you need to be honest in your communication. Something like “I enjoy our conversations together, but I don’t want to talk about Jerry without him here. Tell me more about your weekend.” This allows you to stand up for yourself without getting frustrated and annoyed down the line.    

Many people think they need to disassociate themselves from the people exhibiting these behaviors. That is not true. You can work with an individual or love someone with these toxic traits. It’s the behavior that needs to be improved or curtailed.

Career Love Collective takes each scenario with great care and respect. We always approach each challenge with an open mind and listening ear. At Career Love, we hold honesty, authenticity and vulnerability above all else. In each session with our lovelies (clients), I never blame and always seek the truth. You are ready to find your truth. Once you are honest and authentic with your convictions, you are on your way to becoming your best self.