3 Step System to Confidently Expose Your Bully

Everyday a story emerges alleging sexual harassment perpetrated by powerful individuals over many YEARS. This wave of naming predators has continued to inspire me. It has also brought to the forefront, the unique and complex feelings of shame. When a victim comes forward to tell their story, it is a difficult decision, one that usually was years in the making.

What I continue to find empowering, and cling to tightly, is the simple idea that victims won’t feel broken when they band together. Harassment of any kind and unwanted sexual advances are disgusting actions. Trust in knowing, we have the ability to act together. As a bystander, you have the ability to advocate. You have the option to be on the side of continuing the vicious predatory circle of harassment or you can support and advocate for the victim.

If you have been harassed (mentally or physically) you have the strength to take action.

Don’t be afraid.

The Workplace Bullying Center has wonderful resources. Below is a three step system implemented to give all victims a plan to expose your predator, create a safe space and advocate for the victim.

XOXO,

Jess



Step One – Name it! Legitimize Yourself!


Choose a name — bullying, psychological harassment, psychological violence, emotional abuse — to offset the effect of being told that because your problem is not illegal, you cannot possibly have a problem. This makes people feel illegitimate. The cycle of self-blame and anxiety begins.
The source of the problem is external. The bully decides how to target and how, when, and where to harm people. You did not invite, nor want, the systematic campaign of psychological assaults and interference with your work. Think about it. No sane person wakes up each day hoping to be humiliated or berated at work.


There is tremendous healing power in naming. Hard to believe at first, but very true.

 

Step Two – Take Time Off to Heal & Launch a Counterattack

 

Accomplish five (5) important tasks while on sick leave or short-term disability (granted by your physician).

 

Check your mental health with a professional (not the employer’s EAP). Get emotionally stable enough to make a clear-headed decision to stay and fight, or to leave for your health’s sake. Your humanity makes you vulnerable; it is not a weakness, but a sign of superiority. Work Trauma, by definition, is an overwhelming, extraordinary experience.

 

Check your physical health. Stress-related diseases rarely carry obvious warning signals (e.g., hypertension – the silent killer). Read the current research on work stress and heart disease.
Research state and federal legal options (in a quarter of bullying cases, discrimination plays a role). Talk to an attorney. Maybe a demand letter can be written. Look for internal policies (harassment, violence, respect) for violations to report (fully expecting retaliation).

 

Step Three – Expose the Bully

 

The real risk was sustained when you were first targeted (Targets lose their job – involuntarily or by choice for their health’s sake – in 77.7% of cases). It is no riskier to attempt to dislodge the bully. Retaliation is a certainty. Have your escape route planned in advance. Remember, good employers purge bullies, most promote them.

 

Make the business case that the bully is “too expensive to keep.” Present the data gathered (in Step 2) to let the highest level person you can reach (not HR) know about the bully’s impact on the organization. Obviously in family-owned, or small businesses, this is impossible (so leave once targeted).

 

Stick to the bottom line. If you drift into tales about the emotional impact of the bully’s harassment, you will be discounted and discredited.

 

Give the employer one chance. If they side with the bully because of personal friendship (“he’s a great conversationalist and a lunch buddy”) or rationalize the mistreatment (“you have to understand that that is just how she is”), you will have to leave the job for your health’s sake.

 

However, some employers are looking for reasons to purge their very difficult bully. You are the internal consultant with the necessary information. Help good employers purge.

 

The nature of your departure — either bringing sunshine to the dark side or leaving shrouded in silent shame — determines how long it takes you to rebound and get that next job, to function fully and to restore compromised health. Tell everyone about the petty tyrant for your health’s sake. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You were only doing the job you once loved.

 

Answering critics of this approach …..

 

Pragmatists argue that our 3-Step Method will only get you fired. They are right in most cases. So, it is important for you to know why it is suggested.This  method accomplishes four goals:

Goal 1: Your personal health must be the priority or you will not live long enough to take another job. You have to discover if stress-related health complications have begun and take steps to reverse them. Stress exacerbates diseases that can kill. Put your health, not your job, first. See a physician, ask for blood tests related to stress-induced harm. See a good therapist to restore your faith in your own worthiness.

Goal 2: Too many wounded targets crawl between the bed sheets and can’t get out. You need something to do to continue to function, to bounce back. This task of estimating the fiscal impact of bullying is not only factual and informative for the organization (which it promptly chooses to ignore), but the employer’s response to the facts will help convince you about the irrationality of the entire bullying process. You didn’t cause it and they don’t seem to care if it ever stops. They are too afraid to do the right thing.

Goal 3: Compel employer responsibility for putting you in harm’s way. No one is responsible for being bullied, for inviting the misery upon themselves. The employer has known about the bully before and chosen to retain him or her (attorneys call it negligent retention). Employers want a catfight between employees so that they can blame it on “personality conflict.” The reality is that employers establish all conditions of work. If there are poorly skilled managers or executives, it is because of a dereliction of duty. Employers are lazy and trust on-the-job experiences to teach people to be good and humane managers. This is wrong. The leadership team is responsible for all bullying! It would not happen without executives’ explicit or tacit approval. So, hold their feet to the fire. Expose the bully. Demand changes (for the sake of the organization).

Goal 4: Take control of your departure from the place. WBI research found that you have a 66% chance of losing your job once targeted. Exposing the bully is more about your mental health than being an effective way to get the bully fired. Trauma is intensified if you leave the job (voluntarily or after being terminated) if you do not leave holding your head high and pointing accusatory fingers at the wrongdoers. In other words, since you are most likely to leave, once targeted, leave by telling everyone what happened to you and by whose hands. Targets who skulk away in silence, shrouded in personal shame, suffer the most. It can take a year or more to rebound to the point of being able to seek work. Those who leave proudly, bounce back the fastest.

 

Contrast this 3 Step approach with traditional advice from HR types, coaches, & “career experts”…..


Things NOT to do after discovering you are the target of workplace bullying:
-Do not feel guilty for not confronting your bully in response to the aggression. If you could have, you would have. You are not made that way.
-Do not limit your decisions to act in ways that sacrifice personal integrity and health just to survive to keep a paycheck. Survival strategies alone create even more serious long-term health and career problems. If the place will not change, plan your escape.
-Do not wait for the impact of bullying to fade with time. It must be stopped for the effects on you to stop.
-Do hold the employer accountable for putting you in harm’s way. It is not your personal responsibility as the victim to fix the mess you did not start. Employers control the work environment. When you are injured as a result of exposure to that environment, make the employer own the responsibility to fix it.
-Do not try to reinvent yourself as a political animal. If you would have been able to be cutthroat, you would have acted accordingly. You do not have to mimic the unethical bully to counter her or his misconduct.
-Do not trust HR to give you advice that serves your own best interests — they work for management and are management. Simple facts.
-Be wary of EAP counselors until they have proven to you that your confidential case details will not be reported to management and that they understand how work environments affect individuals’ health.
-Do not ask for relief from the bully’s boss. That is the person who loves her or him most. (And if there is no love there, there is fear. The boss fears the bully and cannot stop him or her.)
-Do not tell your story from a purely emotional injury angle. It scares away potential supporters.
-Do not share your voluminous documentation with anyone at work. No one cares as much as you do. In the wrong hands, it can be used against you.
-Do not ask others (HR, union reps, management) to make the bully stop for your sake. They will disappoint you. Rather, you will make the business case and ask them to stop bullying for their own self-interests.
-Do not agree to be treated by any mental health professionals who cannot believe your experience and want simply to change you so that you will not trigger similar reactions from future bullies.
-Do not pay a retainer to an attorney until you’ve exhausted cheaper alternatives to get your employer to take your complaint seriously.
-Do not confide in anyone at work until they have demonstrated (and not just talked about) loyalty to you.

 

For more information we recommend reading The Bully At Work by Dr. Gary Namie and Dr. Ruth Namie (Sourcebooks)

 

Retreived from http://www.workplacebullying.org/individuals/solutions/wbi-action-plan/

The Practical Guide to Working with Other Personalities

Working with people we don’t necessarily get along with is a normal part of life in an office.  I once had a coworker tell me, “I don’t have to be everyone’s best friend, I am at work.” another individual at the same company was afraid to voice their opinions for fear of offending anyone.

Continue Reading

How to Enjoy Your Time Away From the Office

Motivation to go to work every day is an important component to our overall happiness. The average work week is for a full time employee is 47 hours per week. With the rise of smartphones, laptop computers and email, our contentedness makes our office anywhere we are in the world.  

For example, now when I go on vacation I actually need to mentally disconnect, plan my work and turn off email to enjoy my vacation. It’s taken me practice to get to this point of disconnection, but it makes me more present and in the moment of my experiences. Early in my career, I would be constantly checking my email, phone notifications and calling the office. I didn’t mentally ‘check-out’ of the office. I was never gone. It was a disservice for me as a human, a spouse and employee to not recharge and experience my time away from work.  

If you are an entrepreneur, self-employed, hourly or in school, any time you are away from work, it means money not in the bank. So, please make sure to enjoy your time off with these tips and make the most of your time experiencing new places. The ability to step away and recharging gives you the motivation to take on new challenges. Stepping away from your business is extra important for this group. I want to stress these tips are for you, too.       

How to Enjoy Your Time Away & Come Back Recharged

Communicate with Your Team

Going on vacation for any amount of time leaves a gap. Your position fills a key need in your team or department. Who will be the point person while you are gone? Even before a vacation is on the books, you need to have a plan in place to address your absence. When I was on a team, I would communicate with my leader of my desire to have a back up plan in place. A back up plan is the most effective way to keep your work moving forward. It can also keep another person in the loop on your ‘day to day’ just in case you are out of the office for an extended period of time. When you do go on vacation, you can meet with your teammate to funnel key messaging to this in-person office contact.

Disconnect from certain accounts / Turn off Notifications

I learned later in my career it is OKAY to disconnect from email. We become to accustomed to certain behaviors in the workplace, we accept it as the norm. When I go on vacation I disconnect from work email accounts and only check email once a day from an offsite computer. I communicated this to my co-workers so they understand my communication isn’t within the minute of sending the email, it would be more like checking at night and they would receive it at work the following morning. I also turn off all notifications and the email counter on my iphone app. I started to do this in my normal ‘everyday life’. It has absolutely helped reduce my anxiety. I highly recommend it!   

Out of Office Reply

I always use out of office replies. Many people I have worked with over the year have varying opinions on out of office replies. I see this as a generational and career choice difference. For example, when working with a lawyer, he saw his role as being at the call of his clients, so he was always reachable—he never had an out of office message. My roles within non-profit or higher education institutions, it was paramount to place an out of office on my email. If an answer needed to happen by end of business day, the out of office message would reply back to the sender, allowing them to go another direction in getting an answer.

It took a negative vacation experience to shake me back to reality. I was on a planned family vacation during the wrap up of a large work project. It was stressful to manage such a large project virtually and enjoy my family time. It was my hubby who helped me come to the realization everyone at the family function was stepping away from their own important work—not just me—and I was constantly using my emails, calls, etc. to show I value work more, while my family was valuing their time together. This experience really stuck with me, so I write this for everyone having challenges with disconnecting. Take my example to heart, and take time to implement these tips to your daily routine to be present in each moment.

Career Love Collective is on a mission to mentor women to overcome workplace challenges to they can be authentic and confident in all stages of life. Wanna chat over a latte or skype? I wanna get to know you, and what makes you…well YOU. Sign up for a free 30 minute assessment and let’s reach your goals together!

XOXO,

Jess

Confident Job Interview Series – Where Do You See Yourself In 5 Years?

You might be just starting a job search, in the middle of a job search or looking occasionally. Whatever your job interview status, I have a tip that will take the guess work out of a big question. This method allows you to be confident, honest and in the moment. No need to bring up the past or feel threatened by what the future might hold.  

Picture yourself in a job interview. You prepared extensively on the background of the company and reviewed the job description with a fine toothed comb.  You think to yourself, “I am nailing this interview!”. Then, the looming life question is asked from the interviewer.

“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

Ummmm….[mind goes blank]

For some that answer is easy, for others it is daunting.

Great news, you can easily answer this question confidently without telling the hiring manager too much about specifics of the job, past companies or personal life.  However, you do want to make your future intentions clear without scaring the hiring manager.

Use the scenario below to help guide you through your future interview.

Example Scenario

Question: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Abby: Current job interview for web designer

Longterm Desire: To be in a leadership position

Goal of Answer: Be honest in your career expectations/growth and align your goals with position

Let’s put it all together….:  “This position at Blue House Design is exciting to me for a few reasons. In five years I hope to be an expert in web design layout. Your reputation with online content is the best in the city. With the strong culture of design work here at Blue House Design, I know I can learn from amazing professionals here at Blue House Design. Also, in the coming years I am very open to leading a team of designers. I have had wonderful mentors, so leading others is something I am very passionate about.”

It’s okay if the job you are applying for isn’t the job of your dreams. If you are always learning and seek out mentors challenging  you to be your best self, you are on a wonderful path for personal and professional growth.

 

Career Love Collective is on a mission to empower all women to be their best self and reach their fullest potential. Wanna chat over a latte or skype? I wanna get to know you, and what makes you…well YOU. Sign up for a free 30 minute assessment and let’s reach your goals together! 

XOXO,

Jess

  

 

How I Dealt with Frustration at Work and You Can Too!

There was a time in my life when I didn’t have a strong sense of self, taking advice from anyone willing to give me some clue as to what I thought I needed. Let me tell you, when you are unsure of your path, there are always those who tell you exactly what you should do. When I would get into conversations about my future plans and my unsteady decisions, they made me feel important. Each one had a plan for me. But why? In their plans for me, they didn’t take into account my interests, strengths, or life goals. I took their advice each time, but each time I was more un-happy than the last decision. How could that be? I was doing the right stuff and doing what others wanted of me.

This lack of a ‘sense of self’ lead to a deep frustration with work and life. All of my frustrations would lead back to what I thought I ‘should’ be doing. I ‘should’ be working at my job 80 hours each week, I ‘should’ like my career choice, I ‘should’ be happy with my benefits and 401k. So many ‘shoulds’, I couldn’t enjoy my life in the moment or in the future. I was too caught up in what should be happening, that when my expectations weren’t met—my frustration would take over.

Let’s step back for a moment. How did I get from work frustration to a lack of sense of self?

When I shed all my “should” moments and expectations, I enjoyed life so much more. My frustrations subsided, I enjoyed my work for what it was and I was able to focus my energy on work and not emotional drama.

How to know when your Expectations are leading to Frustration:

  1. Expecting People to Always Agree with You

People are never going to agree with you, or me. Ugh, why can’t we just all get along! I am working on sharing my opinions with those who disagree, but it’s difficult. I have to do a lot of prep to feel comfortable to share a project idea at work to feel comfortable in a dissenting voice.

  1. Respect you More than you Respect Yourself

No one will EVER respect you more than YOU. You are your biggest fan. I learned that this summer traveling to Europe, body size is only a number. I practice selflove by truly loving my body, learning new things and embracing my ideas.

  1. Expecting others to (need) and Like You

Okay, listen up. It doesn’t matter our age, we all battle with wanting to be liked. However, it is so freeing to let yourself be unburdened of that inner teenager to be liked. Like yourself—it’s so much better.

  1. Expecting Others to fit your idea of who they are

Ouch, this one stings. Don’t we all have an “idea” of someone or something and then reality smacks us in the face. Being honest with your fears helps to be clear with all true ideas.

  1. Assume they know what you are thinking

We aren’t all mind readers like Sylvia Brown. If I am having an issue, I need to communicate my issue with the team. Also, on the opposite spectrum, I can’t assume they know all the lingo and jargon to the conversation. Just keep communication simple!

  1. People will suddenly change

Do you remember summer break, and when we would go back in the Fall there would be a HUGE transformation for your first day of High School? Yeah, that never happens. We don’t suddenly change our decision making or habits. WARNING: If a decision is changed quickly, watch out for fall out.

Work can be a frustrating place fraught with gossip, drama and leadership changes. Be true and honest with yourself, for frustrations to be worked through openly. There are people in your life who want the absolute best for you, like me. I want you to be your best self. No more hating getting to work in the morning. You are unchallenged, unmotivated, unfulfilled. It’s okay, I can help you find your joy again with the “Confident You” program. We work together to custom fit a plan just for you. It’s not cookie cutter. It’s all yours. So, it’s your turn to say YES and be surrounded by positivity. You need to stay close to these positive individuals. They are genuine, authentic and have no hidden motive to your future plans. Confide in these individuals for growth.

Career Love Collective is on a mission to mentor women to overcome workplace challenges to they can be authentic and confident in all stages of life. Wanna chat over a latte or skype? I wanna get to know you, and what makes you…well YOU. Sign up for a free 30 minute assessment and let’s reach your goals together!

XOXO,

Jess

Reframing is at the Heart of Resilience

Once a week I volunteer with a local women’s advocacy organization. I mainly help in the childcare center. This usually consists of reading books, coloring or playing pretend cooking with toddlers for a few hours.

Lately, the amount of babies we have to watch is more than usual, so I have been helping where I can in the nursery area.

Some babies are just learning to walk. It’s so special to have the opportunity to watch their progress. Most days they are very unsteady on their feet, trying to grasp onto any object around them for steady footing. Sometimes they bump their arm or their face. Other times they land hard on their backside.

What matters most is how the child gets up to the next move. When their face bumps a chair, do they start crying immediately with a gut wrenching cry, or do they get jolted a bit, looking perplexed with the chair and crawl away to climb another chair.

Resiliency is all about the bounce-back and finding the strength within yourself to overcome. As Hara Estroff Marano notes in “The Art of Resilience”, resilient people do not let adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs.

Marano goes on to say resilience can also be cultivated. It’s possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and competent. It’s possible to fortify your psyche. It’s possible to develop a sense of mastery.

It is also possible to be hurt and to rebound at the same time. We human beings are complex enough psychologically to accommodate the two. What the resilient do is refrain from blaming themselves for what has gone wrong. In the language of psychology, they externalize blame. And they internalize success; they take responsibility for what goes right in their lives.

Psychologist Edith Grotberg, Ph.D., believes that everyone needs reminders of the strengths they have.

She urges people to cultivate resilience by thinking along three lines:

I Have: strong relationships, structure, rules at home, role models; these are external supports that are provided;

I Am: a person who has hope and faith, cares about others, is proud of myself; these are inner strengths that can be developed;

I Can: communicate, solve problems, gauge the temperament of others, seek good relationships—all interpersonal and problem-solving skills that are acquired.  

Just as a little one is faced with the challenge of learning to walk without ever done it before, adults are faced with unanticipated road blocks each day. I am here to be your reminder that you can overcome any road block. Adults have the option to choose their state of mind in any situation at work or home.

The time is now for you to be your best self. In all of our services Career Love Collective provides unbiased communication to get you back on track. We practice reframing, it is at the heart of resilience. It is a way of shifting focus from the cup half empty to the cup half full. Take steps to ensure your future by investing in your future career development.   

Take time each morning to remind yourself “I Have…I Am… I Can”.

XOXO,

Jess

Networking, Networking, Networking…..is for EVERYONE!

Career (Professional) Networking is for EVERYONE!

Career networking should be part of everyday life in personal and professional settings. While many might not be comfortable striking up a conversation with a stranger or going to a new place alone, having a personal network is always something that should be in place. You will never know when or where you will need it. Constantly working towards a large network will help you in a job search and moving along the career ladder.      

What is Career Networking?

Career Networking or professional networking is keeping personal, professional or academic contacts to assist with a job search, achieve career goals, learn more about your field or learn about another career field. Networking is a great way to hear about new opportunities and get “in” with the organization you would like to work with.

Networking can help you get hired!

  • 70% of people in 2016 were hired at a company they had a connection
  • 80% of professionals consider professional networking to be important to career success

Linkedin report based upon users

Top Networking Tips

  1. Attend In-person Events– I understand the need for social media–I use it everyday. This is not an anti-social media post. However, face to face networking needs to be part of a larger strategy. Since there are a limited amount of hours in a day, make sure you are being critical to the clubs you are devoting your time.  
  2. Keep in touch with your network– I like to follow up with my network and send notes to people when they get promotions or new jobs. Keeping relationships positive takes work, but it is worth the time.
  3. Reciprocity—Do you know a hiring manager for a position and is a friend a perfect fit? Recommend them to the hiring manager! What can YOU do for your network?  
  4. Don’t limit your network– Some people might think “I am an IT manager, so I can only know other IT Managers to be the best IT manager.” FALSE! I was in this trap too. Meet others in any career track–not just your own.  Talk to everyone, listen to everyone. You will learn more about yourself by opening your mind and your network.
  5. Do your Homework–When you go into a networking event, sometimes there are 1,000 people at a single event with a 45 minute “mingle” timeframe. You will not meet everyone–so make sure you are prepared. Sometimes guest lists are online, giving a sneak peek of attendees. It will give you time to craft your list of “must meets”. Do you have a friend who works at a company of your “must meets”, ask them beforehand for an introduction–it is better than a cold handshake!
  6. Don’t ask for anything in return–Networking isn’t quid pro quo. Don’t even think of asking for a favor in the first meeting. If you have something to offer, make sure you CAN offer it and have the ability to follow through. It will go a long way in the relationship.
  7. Aim High–This is a personal tip I use, it parallels the saying “What do I have to lose?”. Do you want to meet the CEO of a company, go for it–thank them for doing a speech you recently heard or an article you read about the company (if positive). I always like to thank a speaker for their time at luncheons or breakfasts, you get to meet the CEO while everyone is sitting in their car in traffic. It builds confidence and doesn’t take too much effort.
  8. Bring a PIC (Partner in Crime)–If you are new to networking, bring a PIC (partner in crime). I had a wonderful networking buddy in my early days. She took me under her wing and gave me the “do’s and dont’s” of networking. It helped me until I was ready to go out on my own.     

I am very proud of having a wonderful and robust network. It has helped me in my professional career and my personal life as well. At Career Love, I take away the mystery of personal branding and get you comfortable starting a vast network that will suit you well in your life and career.  People in my exclusive personal brand re-vamp course master the “how to’s” of getting yourself noticed and out into the community.  You are ready to take your career to the next level.

Many of my connections have helped me with personal needs like finding a personal finance adviser, automotive shop for my car, a veterinarian for my car, all the vendors for my wedding and previous jobs before postings were made public! A network can be a trustworthy source for you and your family now and in the future.  

XOXO,

Jess

 

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Culture Fit 101 – What to Look for During the Job Search

Dear Jess,

I am starting a stealth job search and could use some advice.

The company I work for isn’t a good fit for me–I realize this now. It’s never been  the right match.

It’s always felt like I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I thought I was coming to a great company, well liked in the community with a great reputation. Instead I stepped into a negative place where my ideas constantly get turned down, it’s gotten to the point I have stopped giving my suggestions. I go to work, “punch in” do my work and go home. I am not happy, but I don’t want to step into the same culture again.

Thank you!

Steph

 

Dear Steph,

Thank you for your note. I am so sorry to hear your company doesn’t value your input. Your superiors are too involved in their own challenges—perhaps owners, shareholders, board members, etc.—to miss the fact you are miserable. Your supervisor has the influence to keep you in the company or send you running. They aren’t keeping you engaged and challenged. It’s time for you to thrive somewhere else.

As you mentioned in your note, one of the major reasons you accepted the job is the reputation of the company. So, you are wondering how you got “duped” by these negative nay sayers in a culture mis-match!

Seven Tips for Job Seekers Craving Culture Fit  

  1. Job Posting – Some position postings are very straight forward in the basic requirements and duties. Other positions descriptions read as if two or three different jobs are within the same title. This type of job is lovingly referred to as a “Franken-job”. If the position seems impossible to accomplish, trust your gut. These positions pull from other overworked co-workers to create an odd position that has no direction.
  2. Organization Size – If you have experience working in large, mid-size or non-profit organizations, write down your likes and dislikes of each size organization. Do you work best in a non-profit setting with more autonomy or is a corporate hierarchy your perfect scenario? As you narrow down these organizational characteristics, it will help in the long term to know your ideal work space.
  3. Interview Process – Applying for a new position as an external candidate is a process for most, having to send a cover letter, resume, CV, college transcripts and other documentation. Just the application alone is cumbersome. If you find yourself in limbo for months, the company might be having larger internal battles. Just say thanks, but no thanks.
  4. Mission/Vision/Values – Does the organization proudly display their Mission/Vision/Values in their communication pieces, website, etc. and is it easy to understand? Mission statements shouldn’t be overly diluted or grandiose. If the company appears to be working towards a larger common goal, they are a keeper! Many organizations now encourage employees to be “passion fueled” to align with the company mission such as fitness, outdoors, health food, etc. this can also help narrow down your interest level with the company.
  5. Coworkers – Do coworkers smile at each other in the office, is there a general feeling of mutual respect as you are waiting in the lobby or conversing in the interview? It’s difficult to put your nerves out of the picture during an in-person interview, but try to keep your emotions in check when meeting your future co-workers for the first time. Are they excited and on time to meet you or are they scattered, late and confused during the interview? Paying attention to social cues, you will know if it is the right environment for you.
  6. Support – Flextime and the ability to work from home one or more days a week are among the most highly sought after benefit of the workforce. Before the interview, you might have access to the benefits guidelines on the company website to check flexible scheduling policies. Companies giving their employees the ability to work from home or have flexible hours, demonstrates trust and faith in workers and a culture that expects the best from employees.
  7. Trust- Trust comes from open communication. Do you feel like you can be open and honest with your current boss/leader? Career Love Collective has taken feedback from women all around the world to create our program plans. If you find yourself in a job you love, but leadership is overloaded and you are fed up–don’t leave. Just talk with us and we will help you put together a plan in an unbiased way. Contact us for a free 30 minute assessment.

Steph—good luck on your job search. You will find a new workplace that values your creative light. Take your time and don’t rush—you won’t be disappointed. Open floor plans, fancy coffee shops, jeans on Friday, full fitness centers, 401(k) benefits—all of these perks are amazing to anyone initially joining a company but there is more to a company than meets the eye.

Do you have a career related question? Contact me to be featured on “Ask Jess” or to get your own 30 minute assessment.

XOXOXO,

Jess

Think Confident, Be Confident #confidencemindset

Many people in their career are pressured to believe they need to reach monetary milestones in order to achieve success. Perhaps it is making a certain amount of money each year, owning a specific car, or achieving a title at work. However, would you guess true confidence and positive self-esteem do not automatically come with the pay increase and title at work?

As Amy Cuddy points out in her book “Presense”, true confidence stems from real love and leads to long term commitment to growth. False confidence on the other hand, comes from desperate passion and leads to dysfunctional relationships, disappointment and frustration.Having true confidence and positive self-esteem are both highly positive traits but not all individuals are truly confident.

So, that job promotion and the title bump–you might be radiating confidence for a hot second, but then reality sets in quick. Lady, your CONFIDENCE is showing. BUT Is it true confidence?

Cuddy goes on to say that true belief in oneself, in ones ideas is grounding, it defuses threat.

How do we know if we have true confidence? Below is a list of core values a truly confident person would possess.

  1. Commitment to Growth
  2. Create Value for Others
  3. Be Present— Put Assumptions Aside
  4. Acknowledge Your Strengths and Weaknesses
  5. Accept Others and Welcome Feedback

I challenge you to take time today and jot down numbers 1-5 on a sheet of paper. After each number, write the core value and how you are working toward building your truly confident self. If it is blank, that is okay! Write down how you would approach a situation in the future with a true confidence mindset.

Growth is a journey—Career Love Collective can help you take this moment to see your progress and evaluate your next step. In the “Confident You” program, we tailor a plan that works best for you. No guessing, no cookie cutter plan. It is specific to your goal in mind. Schedule a one-on-one appointment today to start your journey with Career Love.

XOXO,

Jess

#careerloveco Summer Reading List

When I have time to read, it’s not the romance novels calling my name—it’s non-fiction business and leadership, DUH!

With summer finally here in for many of us, reading is a wonderful companion for the following activities–travel layovers, weekends by the lake/beach, or perhaps a long afternoon in the shade.

Wherever you are and whichever your preference, below is a list of my personal top 5 books for your summer reading.

Please note, these are my personal book recommendations. I chose each book carefully as an opportunity for you to reflect on your daily habits and attitudes towards work and life. Each summary is a brief description provided by the author or publisher and an amazon link.

What are your must reads this summer?

XOXO,

Jess

 

  1. “Rising Strong” Brene Brown

Social scientist Brené Brown has ignited a global conversation on courage, vulnerability, shame, and worthiness. Her pioneering work uncovered a profound truth: Vulnerability—the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome—is the only path to more love, belonging, creativity, and joy. But living a brave life is not always easy: We are, inevitably, going to stumble and fall.

It is the rise from falling that Brown takes as her subject in Rising Strong. As a grounded theory researcher, Brown has listened as a range of people—from leaders in Fortune 500 companies and the military to artists, couples in long-term relationships, teachers, and parents—shared their stories of being brave, falling, and getting back up. She asked herself, What do these people with strong and loving relationships, leaders nurturing creativity, artists pushing innovation, and clergy walking with people through faith and mystery have in common? The answer was clear: They recognize the power of emotion and they’re not afraid to lean in to discomfort.

Walking into our stories of hurt can feel dangerous. But the process of regaining our footing in the midst of struggle is where our courage is tested and our values are forged. Our stories of struggle can be big ones, like the loss of a job or the end of a relationship, or smaller ones, like a conflict with a friend or colleague. Regardless of magnitude or circumstance, the rising strong process is the same: We reckon with our emotions and get curious about what we’re feeling; we rumble with our stories until we get to a place of truth; and we live this process, every day, until it becomes a practice and creates nothing short of a revolution in our lives. Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness. It’s the process, Brown writes, that teaches us the most about who we are.

 

  1. “Presense” Amy Cuddy

Have you ever left a nerve-racking challenge and immediately wished for a do over? Maybe after a job interview, a performance, or a difficult conversation? The very moments that require us to be genuine and commanding can instead cause us to feel phony and powerless. Too often we approach our lives’ biggest hurdles with dread, execute them with anxiety, and leave them with regret.

By accessing our personal power, we can achieve “presence,” the state in which we stop worrying about the impression we’re making on others and instead adjust the impression we’ve been making on ourselves. As Harvard professor Amy Cuddy’s revolutionary book reveals, we don’t need to embark on a grand spiritual quest or complete an inner transformation to harness the power of presence. Instead, we need to nudge ourselves, moment by moment, by tweaking our body language, behavior, and mind-set in our day-to-day lives.

Amy Cuddy has galvanized tens of millions of viewers around the world with her TED talk about “power poses.” Now she presents the enthralling science underlying these and many other fascinating body-mind effects, and teaches us how to use simple techniques to liberate ourselves from fear in high-pressure moments, perform at our best, and connect with and empower others to do the same.

Brilliantly researched, impassioned, and accessible, Presence is filled with stories of individuals who learned how to flourish during the stressful moments that once terrified them. Every reader will learn how to approach their biggest challenges with confidence instead of dread, and to leave them with satisfaction instead of regret.

 

  1. “Developing the Leader Within You” John Maxwell

Developing the Leader Within You is Dr. Maxwell’s first and most enduring leadership book, having sold more than one million copies. In this Christian Leaders Series edition of this Maxwell classic, you will discover the biblical foundation for leadership that John Maxwell has used as a pastor and business leader for more than forty years. These same principles and practices are available for everyday leaders in every walk of life. It is a lofty calling to lead a group―a family, a church, a nonprofi t, a business―and the timeless principles in this book will bring positive change in your life and in the lives of those around you.

You will learn:

The True Definition of Leader. “Leadership is influence. That’s it. Nothing more; nothing less.”

The Traits of Leadership. “Leadership is not an exclusive club for those who were ‘born with it.’ The traits that are the raw materials of leadership can be acquired. Link them up with desire, and nothing can keep you from becoming a leader.”

The Difference Between Management and Leadership. “Making sure the work is done by others is the accomplishment of a manager. Inspiring others to do better work is the accomplishment of a leader.”

God has called every believer to influence others, to be salt and light. Developing the Leader Within You will equip you to improve your leadership and inspire others.

 

  1. “Extreme You” Sarah Robb O’Hagan

As a child, Sarah Robb O’Hagan dreamed she could be a champion. Her early efforts failed to reveal a natural superstar, but she refused to settle for average. Through dramatic successes and epic fails, she studied how extraordinary people in sports, entertainment and business set and achieve extremely personal goals. Sarah became an executive at Virgin Atlantic and Nike, and despite being fired twice in her twenties, she went on to become the global president of Gatorade and of Equinox—as well as a wife, mother, and endurance athlete.

In every challenging situation, personal or professional, individuals face the pressure to play it safe and conform to the accepted norms. But doing so comes with heavy costs: passions stifled, talents ignored, and opportunities squelched. The bolder choice is to embrace what Sarah calls Extreme You: to confidently bring all that is distinctive and relevant about yourself to everything you do.

Inspiring, surprising, and practical, Extreme You is her training program for becoming the best version of yourself.

 

  1. “The Highly Sensitive Person” Elaine N. Aron

Are you a highly sensitive person?

Do you have a keen imagination and vivid dreams?  Is time alone each day as essential to you as food and water?  Are you “too shy” or “too sensitive” according to others?  Do noise and confusion quickly overwhelm you?  If your answers are yes, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

Most of us feel overstimulated every once in a while, but for the Highly Sensitive Person, it’s a way of life.  In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychotherapist, workshop leader and highly sensitive person herself, shows you how to identify this trait in yourself and make the most of it in everyday situations.  Drawing on her many years of research and hundreds of interviews, she shows how you can better understand yourself and your trait to create a fuller, richer life.

In The Highly Sensitive Person, you will discover:
Self-assessment tests to help you identify your particular sensitivities
* Ways to reframe your past experiences in a positive light and gain greater self-esteem in the process
Insight into how high sensitivity affects both work and personal relationships
Tips on how to deal with overarousal
* Information on medications and when to seek help
Techniques to enrich the soul and spirit